if i can run in heels then i can drive
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm passing your future prison.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize