my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
