I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
