Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize