Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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