We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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