Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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