I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
