if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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