1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
