After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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