some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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