I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
