time to smoke my breakfast
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
