I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
