He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
