at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
