Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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