Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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