ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
