Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
