not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Pants are for mortals
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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