I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's official drugs can't kill me
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
