I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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