I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
