I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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