My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
