I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
