non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
