fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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