I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
