On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
