he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
