I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
and i looked up. we had an audience...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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