I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
