All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
