there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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