I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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