He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
