i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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