i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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