On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
being pregnant is like rehab
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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