please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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