I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Farmville is her only friend.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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