she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
