If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
