my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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