Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
