i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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