i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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