he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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