So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
