My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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