his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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