Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
