I hate your face
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize