Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
