'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
