I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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