i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
