census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm eating all of the evidence.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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