I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize