Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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