my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I did not marry a roomba.
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