If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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