I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
