I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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