You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he fucked my hip out of place.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
