The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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