hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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