Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
