my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
