I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
