There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
