I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
