I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
porn star boner night. come get it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize