I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
